Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

How not to make a viral video, starring what's left of Jennifer Aniston's dignity

vi•ral vid|e|o (vi´rel vid´ē ō) n. a video that becomes popular through the process of Internet sharing, typically through internet media sharing websites.

not a vi•ral vid|e|o (not a vi´rel vid´ē ō) n. a video that’s been brainstormed and test-marketed by a well-paid ad agency, which stars one of the biggest, beigest celebrities in the world slumming with a bunch of viral-video shorthand, released to a bunch of media outlets via a press release titled “Jennifer Aniston sex tape” that urges them to help make it the next “Internet sensation” along with a gentle reminder to mention Smartwater.

Okay Smartwater, consider yourself mentioned… as a purveyor of really terrible not-a-viral-videos. Internet, let’s band together to resist the allure of cute puppies and that weird lip-syncing kid and NOT forward this crotch-kick of a video to anyone, ever, in hopes that ad agencies will stop trying to pull this shit on us.


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