Baywatch

King Of Kong and Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon is in negotiations to helm Paramount’s big-screen adaptation of Baywatch, a show about torsos saving other torsos from drowning while even more torsos look on helplessly. Several directors have been attached to the project at various points, including Reno 911’s Robert Ben Garant and We’re The Millers writers Sean Anders and John Morris. They all seemed capable of delivering a film that explains why it takes six tanned breasts to save two drowning ones, but each ultimately bowed out. Perhaps they were overwhelmed by the expectations, or maybe they just concluded that Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding said all that needs to be said.

Gordon is as good a man as any to act unashamed when the title Baywatch appears on his IMDB page. His skill set also seems to match expectations that Paramount will follow the 21 Jump Street formula here, mercilessly lampooning the property before anyone else has a chance to snicker. Expect an emphasis on slow-motion running, characters with names like Cort, and cameos from David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson where they pretend like they’re in on the joke. At this point, Dwayne Johnson is still attached to star, having already perfected his beach body in every other movie he’s ever done.

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