Game Of Thrones

King Tommen, Dullest Of His Name, might have pulled the plug on Game Of Thrones’ much-anticipated CleganeBowl last week, when he outlawed the wholesome family fun of Westerosi trial by combat. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still fantasize about the head-smashing good times of days gone by. After all, combat trials are way more interesting than boring old juries and evidence: just two champions, battering away at each other, throwing around banter, and then—sploosh!—there goes someone’s brain.

But they also present a tricky question for the defendants in question: Who do you tap as your potential head squisher or head squishee? To solve that problem, the Game Of Thrones fans—and, in a nice bit of synergy, personal injury lawyers—over at tariolaw.com surveyed 10,000 fans of the show, in order to see which states would pick who as their divine protector.

(Image: tariolaw.com)

Not surprisingly—given that he’s a quasi-unkillable, gold-plated Frankenstein’s monster—most states went with Ser Robert “I’m totally not Gregor Clegane’s walking corpse” Strong. But The Mountain’s little brother also got a healthy number of votes, carrying Texas, Alaska, and a number of other states. There were also a bunch of weirdly nostalgic responses, with a number of states going for Khal Drogo—may he rest in a giant, dragon-hatching bonfire—or a version of Jaime Lannister with both his working hands. Also, Oregon went for Brienne Of Tarth, because Oregonians know better than to mess with a badass lady hoisting several feet of fine Valyrian steel.