“Gary Busey will adjudicate pet-related ‘court’ cases for Amazon Prime” sounds simultaneously Mad-Libian to the core and a perfect summation of 2020. Honestly, what is there left to say? All right, we guess there are still a few details we can go over, in case you actually have the curiosity and mental bandwidth to witness this very real development for yourself one day. As stated, Busey will don robes and wield a bone-shaped gavel (not a confirmed detail, but we can dream) in a new series called Gary Busey: Pet Judge, which will air on the streaming platform later this month.
The title leaves little mystery here: People who find themselves in the middle of near-irreconcilable arguments involving furry or scaley buddies (including, but not limited to, “monkeys, goats, birds, dogs, meerkats, turtles, robot raccoons, and more,” per today’s announcement) now have a dedicated court room in which to hash out these matters. Busey will listen attentively to two cases per episode, offer some hard-fought wisdom, and issue the final ruling, which we hope to any and every generous deity will somehow be legally binding. Here is the best pitch for the upcoming series, courtesy of a recent press release: “Each year across the country there are thousands of pet disputes. Those who want their cases tried by the best know there is only one man they can turn to, and he is thirsty for PET JUSTICE! That man- Gary Busey: Pet Judge.”
Look, this is a wild time. Maybe this would be something that would have given us much, much pause a year ago. Now, all we can do is look at this entirely random half-hour, six-episode descent into certain madness and go, “Sure, what else is there left to do?” Is he an actual judge with a wealth of knowledge regarding animal and pet laws? Not at all, but anyone can really be a judge on these things. Just ask Quibi and Chrissy Teigen.
Gary Busey: Pet Judge begins streaming on Amazon Prime May 25.