Hey, you know what CBS could use? A few more crime procedurals to fill the scant hours in its lineup when some smart-ass who plays by their own rules—and if that means they can’t have healthy relationships, SO BE IT—isn’t putting their highly marginalized, borderline-autistic social skills to use solving crimes ripped from last month’s New York Post. But you know, finding the next CSI isn’t as easy as just sticking a colon and a random city after it; if it were, somebody like Luke Perry would be getting a buzz-cut and gearing up to kick ass in Albuquerque right now. No, it takes a little bit of creativity to keep churning out the same basic format over and over—and when you don’t have any of that, it’s maybe time to think about a reboot, like today’s announcement that CBS will be going ahead with its long-rumored plans to remake Hawaii Five-O.
The Jack Lord-starring series is probably best remembered for showcasing some of the widest ties on network television, the kick-ass opening theme, and the catchphrase, “Book ’em, Danno,” but it was also the longest-running crime show in American history until Law And Order surpassed it. Reviving it seems a little unnecessary, considering, but hey, what do we know? We don’t run a television network. Maybe it’s going to be totally hip and gritty, and reveal a dark undercurrent only hinted at in the original series—plus have lots of girls in bikinis, which everyone likes. Or maybe it’s just a matter of economics, since according to Variety, one of the main incentives is the tax credits Hawaii doles out to anyone who agrees to shoot there, apparently to make up for having to live in a Hawaiian paradise for months on end. It’s also part of the deal handed to hot screenwriting duo Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, who are responsible for Fringe and this summer’s Star Trek (that’s good!) as well as Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (that’s bad). Can they work/wreak their same remake magic/havoc on this one? Will we get to hear some totally ’00s, Tomandandy-style remix of this song? Only time will tell, friends. Only time.