Photo: Theo Wargo (Getty Images)

This weekend, bands like the Moody Blues, The Cars, and Nina Simone found themselves inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. None of them, however, received an induction speech like Bon Jovi, who chose shock jock Howard Stern to usher them in, with Jon Bon Jovi saying that “nobody knows not only me but the members of the band as well as Howard.” That’s a little weird, but, hey, he wasn’t kidding. The acid-tongued radio host delivered a speech that was as characteristically acerbic as it was uncharacteristically earnest. Per Rolling Stone’s transcription:

“If I can be emotional for a second, yes, rock & roll musicians, what they do are really important. To me, personally, I love most of the bands being inducted tonight. Bands like the Moody Blues who Jann, you should’ve done it years ago. These guys comforted me through many lonely days in high school. Look at this face, you know I was lonely. There was nothing better than putting on headphones and listening to Days of Future Passed. I love The Cars. I love Dire Straits. I played their music for years on the radio and I always considered it a great privilege to have a job where I can celebrate rock & roll and play the work of these fine musicians, so on behalf of all fans like me who depend on music to help us through our days, I say thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart, Bon Jovi.”

That’s nice, yeah? Well, consider it the oasis in a speech that was otherwise rife with jokes about dicks and dick-related things. Not that we’re complaining; it’s what Stern does, after all, and it most certainly suits the beer-and-hairspray aesthetic of the arena rockers. Throughout the speech, Stern praises Richie Sambora’s “anaconda penis,” causally references the bubonic plague and atom bomb death counts, and celebrates Bon Jovi’s past janitorial career cleaning up rock-star jizz. Watch the whole thing below:

He also highlights just how much he loves the band by trashing both Rolling Stone co-founder (and Hall Of Fame member) Jann Wenner—“Jann is the man in charge, but I’m not sure why”—and the Hall Of Fame itself. “I gotta say,” he says. “The Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame; what a place, I love it. The only place you can see Slim Whitman’s underpants, Mariah Carey’s tampon, and what about that Ike Turner boxing gloves in the glass case. Did you see that? What a glorious collection of junk we have surrounding us tonight.”

Advertisement

[via Rolling Stone]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com