Screenshot: The Simpsons

Poochie only starred in one episode of The Simpsons, but the “Kung-Fu hippie from Gangster City” that’s “half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli” has gone down as one of the sharpest bits of showbiz satire since “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show” first aired 20 years ago.

In that episode, we see a few Springfield residents audition for the part, including Otto and Troy McClure (who famously touts his appearance in both “Christmas Ape” and “Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp”). The role eventually goes to Homer, but it turns out there was a whole slate of auditions we never got to see. This revelation comes courtesy of writer Josh Weinstein, a Simpsons showrunner at the time, who just shared a page detailing the deleted auditions on his Twitter account.


In it, we see failed auditions from Chief Wiggum (“too cartoony”), Abe Simpson (too slow), and Rainier Wolfcastle (he wants $1 million per episode) as well as one from Moe, who calls the project a “crock of crap” despite Roger Myers wanting him for the role. That we’ll never hear Moe’s cracked, wary croak-rap about “rocking the telly” is a travesty. Weinstein did at least provide some justification, though:


Meanwhile, waiting in the wings are Jasper, Krusty’s monkey Mr. Teeny, and Patti and Selma, who might be the most incongruous addition. Did Sideshow Bob teach them nothing about the perils of show business?