Question: How does KFC make that sweet, sweet fried chicken, anyway?

A: Lovecraftian summoning magic.
B: Genomic splicing.
C: Something-something military-industrial complex.
D: By encasing it in carbonite.

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Until a recent media tour of KFC’s headquarters, the actual process was all conjecture. But now, thanks to Gizmodo/Sploid’s reporting and unsettling companion series of animated gifs, we now know the answer is E: All of the above.

Most of the process is disappointingly straightforward, including a visual inspection of raw chicken “parts” (which seems redundant, seeing as the chickens were probably torn asunder in a factory with the cold precision normally associated with imperial stormtroopers). The chicken is then brined, dried, and expertly coated in KFC’s trademark secret recipe (which is totally not pure, uncut cocaine).

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Things then take a turn for the awesome/strange, as the chicken is racked and lowered into some sort of fryolating compartment that looks equal parts Ecto Containment Unit and Wall-E’s trash-compacting torso.

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After the chicken part souls fully depart the chicken part bodies and ascend into chicken part heaven, or 10 minutes–whichever comes first–the delicious final product emerges.

In case you found the gifs or video unsettling, or spent too much time pondering the secret lives of chickens who wind up being machined, brined, breaded and pressure-fried, we have just the antidote to cure what ails you. A delicious, savory KFC Favorites™ bucket meal, available now at participating stores.

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