Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Here is a list of scenarios involving Kanye West and whether it's okay to talk within them

You are a fan of his music.
DON’T TALK. Kanye appreciates that you are a fan. He knows. He appreciates it. It’s fine. But don’t talk. Music is for listening.

You are paparazzi.
DON’T TALK. Kanye doesn’t want to hear paparazzi talk to him. Really, this should be clear by now. Kanye does not like paparazzi. If you are paparazzi, don’t talk to him. At all.


You see someone Kanye knows.
DON’T TALK. On the subject of hearing the paparazzi, or anyone, talk, Kanye extends the preceding rule to cover literally anyone he knows. This is a blanket protection clause, placing all who know him under the cone of Kanye’s blissful silence. This is one of the many benefits of knowing Kanye, and you are not to infringe on that benefit by talking. At all.

You see anyone that anyone knows.
DON’T TALK. Granted, this can get confusing, as everyone knows somebody. However, in order to avoid potentially infringing on the last ordinance, you are much safer in just assuming that anyone you meet could know anyone who knows Kanye. “Tell everybody never talk to anyone that anyone knows,” Kanye warns. He is unable to be any more straightforward about this.

You see yourself.
DON’T TALK. Kanye also asks that people not talk to themselves, on the off chance that Kanye or someone Kanye knows overhears it and believes you to be talking to them, which would be a serious infraction. (See above scenarios.)

You continue to exist for a yet-to-be-determined length of this infinite time.
DON’T TALK. “Don’t talk ever again,” Kanye says. Quietly contemplate your place in the universe. Find peace within the enveloping stillness. Make sure that stillness is far away from Kanye. Talk to the Lord. Or don’t. Kanye knows him.


Kanye West — Don't Burst My Privacy Bubble … Or I'll F*** You Up!!! - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe


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