Just yesterday we reported on the trailer for David Cross’ directorial debut, Hits—a satirical look at the world of viral video. We told you it didn’t have a release date yet, but now there is plenty of news to report on that front, along with the opportunity to own Cross’ old CDs, have him record a message for you, be in an upcoming Mr. Show special, own his shaved beard, and have him be your child’s godfather. These are all rewards for a Kickstarter that Cross has started in an effort to fund a theatrical release for Hits. Cross writes on the Kickstarter page that he took the film to Sundance and got some “lackluster” theatrical offers, so he’s decided to release it via pay-what-you-want BitTorrent as well as through more standard outlets, including iTunes. But that leaves the expensive specter of a theatrical release, which is where the Kickstarter campaign comes in: He’s trying to raise $100,000 to make it happen. To that end, he’s offering some standard Kickstarter-type stuff, like buttons, a download of the film, a mug, and a T-shirt. But scroll toward the pricier items, and you might find yourself tempted by a mixtape made especially for you ($200), a talking alarm clock with Cross’ voice ($400), Cross’ beard ($500, from “when I have to shave it off for Mr. Show”), bowling with Cross, his wife Amber Tamblyn, and Questlove ($1,500), or a spot as an extra in Mr. Show (“We’ll be shooting in March/April in Los Angeles,” $5,000). Oh, and Cross will be the godfather to your child for a measly $7,500, though he promises nothing more than godfather-in-name-only status. Before you start in with all that “Why don’t you use your Chipmunk money, asshole?” remember that no one is forcing you to donate, and also that you’ll presumably be able to watch the movie for free via BitTorrent if you want. Everybody wins. (Also, new Mr. Show!) Oh, and Hits was written and directed by Cross, and it stars Meredith Hagner, Matt Walsh, James Adomian, Jake Cherry, Derek Waters, Wyatt Cenac, David Koechner, Jessie Ennis, Amy Sedaris, Michael Cera, Amy Carlson, and Jason Ritter.

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