Some three years ago, the once-fearsome Cenobites of The Weinstein Company announced with no modicum of twisted pleasure that they intended to remake 1987’s Hellraiser, Clive Barker’s horror thriller involving sadomasochism and fun puzzle games. As they say, “The box. You opened it. We came,” and so ever since, various filmmakers have been attempting to solve the demonic Rubik’s Cube of how to properly redo a movie that’s already spawned seven sequels of diminishing, direct-to-video returns. Now Bloody Disgusting reports that the Weinsteins appear to have decided that the pleasures of Hellraiser should be tasted by teenagers, developing the film as a PG-13 remake. The obviously made-up Christian E. Christiansen, director of the upcoming The Roommate (which is itself essentially a Single White Female remake), is said to be circling the project, with Amber Heard being pursued for the “lead role.” Jesus wept.

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