Sociologists say that the triad is the least stable of all groupings, because it always tends to lead to a conflict of two against one. And while the movie ménage à trois between Tim Burton, his partner Helena Bonham Carter, and his Pygmalion muse Johnny Depp has until now been all about caring and sharing alike, lately Depp has been seeing more and more of director Gore Verbinski on the side—and now he’s bringing Carter into those rendezvous. Variety reports she’s signed up to co-star in the pair’s upcoming The Lone Ranger, fittingly playing “the colorful madam of a local brothel” as she wantonly sells herself to the highest-bidding Johnny Depp-starring reboot of a nostalgic property that is not directed by Tim Burton, which is what God and decency intend. Fortunately, the rest of the cast—Dwight Yoakam as villain Butch Cavendish, Barry Pepper as a cavalry leader, Rubicon’s James Badge Dale as the Lone Ranger’s older brother—have no such hearts to break, as Yoakam long ago learned that attempting to tie himself to Billy Bob Thornton is like trying to rope the wind, so he just plum gave up tryin'.

Advertisement