Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Hazardous grenade found in German forest turns out to be hazardous grenade-shaped butt plug

“Oi,” the soldier shouts. “Up yours, Jerry!”
“Oi,” the soldier shouts. “Up yours, Jerry!”
Photo: Fox Photos (Getty Images)

When we wrote about the existence of a Shrek ear Fleshlight earlier this week, we foolishly assumed that the worst sex toy-related dangers of the moment were temporarily behind us. And yet, because the world is a large and mysterious place, we’ve now learned about the existence of a different kind of dangerous pleasure device: A butt plug shaped like a hand grenade that was recently found abandoned in a Bavarian forest.

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A few days ago, according to Vice, a jogger notified police after finding what looked to be an unexploded grenade from World War II in a forest outside of Passau, Germany. A bomb squad from the local municipality of Hauzenberg arrived on the scene and upon investigation discovered that the grenade “was actually a rubber sex toy.” (Vice is a bit more specific, and calls it a butt plug in the article’s headline.)

The bomb squad was able to more quickly determine that they hadn’t found an old explosive because “the bag the grenade was in also contained lubricant, two unopened condoms, and a USB cable.” A statement provided to Vice by police explains, with perfect deadpan, that “a search on the internet then confirmed the suspicion. There are actually sex toys in the form of hand grenades.”

The Hauzenberg police believe the butt plug, condoms, lube, and USB cable “must have been [in the forest] for a long time” based on the condition of the bag. “How these items got there and why they got there can only be guessed at,” they conclude.

This is a mystery that is likely to go unsolved forever, though, if we know anything about Bavarian forests, there’s likely a fantastical—even magical—explanation behind the strange appearance of these specific items. Perhaps one day it will be written down in a morally instructive tale that will be treasured for generations to come.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.