Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Having been cursed by iPaper/is Pete Davidson cover, we must now pass it along to you
Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin (Getty Images)

It sounds like just another urban legenda magazine cover filled with nightmarish images leads to an internet post foretelling the viewer’s death in exactly seven days. The only way to stay alive? To share it with others. To spread the curse. To keep it alive.

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We are so sorry, readers, but this was inevitable from the moment Paper’s “internet-breaking” cover came across our timeline. Look at it. LOOK AT IT.

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Pete Davidson, SNL star and boyfriend to the stars, is here rendered as a dickless Ken Doll—it’s a joke, see—his Mars Attacks, Hillary Clinton, and “swag is forever” tattoos on full display. The photo was taken by actor Tommy Dorfman, and, bedeviled as it may be, its accompanying interview is part of the package. Davidson talks about masturbating to Leonardo DiCaprio’s acting, treating girlfriends like a “princess, and loving and hating David Spade, who may or may not DM 17-year olds. (Davidson, who is 26, is currently dating 18-year old model Kaia Gerber.) He also says he’ll no longer perform at colleges due to the “hyper-sensitive” culture. “Comedy is just, like, getting destroyed,” he said. “You can’t talk about anything. You can’t. The second you open your mouth and have an opinion, you lose money today.” This seems to be an oblique reference the time he called a bunch of students “privileged little assholes” and “fucking retarded during a set.

The masses, knowing they’ve been cursed, are sharing the photo at a fevered clip, saving their own lives while dooming so many others.

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Some think they can avoid it.

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But it will find you. He will find you. On SNL. In The Suicide Squad. Or that Judd Apatow movie. But more likely on your timeline, in a post of a post of a post, recycled endlessly.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Randall Colburn is The A.V. Club's Internet Culture Editor. He lives in Chicago, occasionally writes plays, and was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2.

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