We’ve already given you a taste of Comedy Death Ray's comedic efforts to raise money for the Los Angeles Food Bank, but it’s worth also pointing you to the increasingly funny (and awesome) items available in the CDR auction to raise money for LAFB as part of its annual Xmas Nativity Pageant at the UCB theater. Items up for auction range from the expected (signed posters and DVDs) to the nerdy (the opportunity to guest on/host podcasts like Doug Loves Movies, Never Not Funny, and The Nerdist) to the sure-to-be-uncomfortable (a stand-up lesson from Maria Bamford, a trip to the movies with Doug Benson). Some of the more unusual opportunities include:

Thomas Lennon writes and performs your video eulogy ("May contain some nudity.")

Sarah Silverman Skypes with YOUR family on Christmas

Adam Scott will grocery shop with you while wearing a T-shirt with YOUR face on it (Please note: You will have to fight me for this one.)

Larry David fills out a greeting card of YOUR CHOICE (Hey, Grandma’s birthday is coming up!)

Rob Huebel will come to your house to watch TV for one hour (Note the terms and conditions state “Winner must not be a convicted murderer or a serial rapist,” and “Henry Winkler is not included.”)

A voicemail greeting from Bobby Bottleservice, a.k.a. Nick Kroll

• Private in-home performances from Maria Bamford and Garfunkel & Oates

• Brian Posehn & Steve Agee will watch a Steven Seagal movie of your choice with you (and they’ll even bring snacks!)


A private tour of Pixar Animation Studios

• And the current big-ticket item, Patton Oswalt’s Carvel Black Card, which entitles you to free Carvel ice cream for life (though at a current going rate of $5,000+, you’d have to eat a shitload of ice cream to break even on this one).

Please note, many of these items (though not all) require you to live in the L.A. area to redeem them, so read before donating. Or just move to L.A.