(Images: Joan Marcus / Hasbro)

Most people have probably struggled through a marathon Monopoly game, with relationships between friends or family members collapsing under the oppressive weight of greed, jealousy, and the general pressures of capitalism. Obviously, then, the only thing that could possibly make an evening of Monopoly more tolerable is if everybody involved were singing show tunes about Boardwalk, Reading Railroad, and the Community Chest. Well, that’s what Hasbro seems to think at least, because it’s now developing Monopoly: The Musical, a theatrical production that’s being targeted for Broadway.

That comes from Variety, which says Hasbro has signed a deal with a Broadway-based producing and merchandising company called the Araca Group that will license Hasbro’s many brands (G.I. Joe, Transformers, My Little Pony, various board games) for use in “national tours, amusement parks, and cruise ships” along with “high schools, colleges, and community theaters.” That means you could someday be lucky enough to see teenagers putting on a live presentation of somebody’s My Little Pony fan-fiction at school. It’ll be like Equus for a new generation!

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As for the Monopoly musical, Variety says any details about its “plot, setting and music style” are “in flux,” but a guy from Araca says that it won’t be about people “sitting around and playing Monopoly.” Instead, he compares it to what The Lego Movie did with Lego bricks, in the sense that it “explores the world of Monopoly.”

Now, that lack of concrete detail may be disappointing, so we’ve decided to throw together an early draft of one of Monopoly: The Musical’s songs. We think it has potential.

[Top Hat Piece]

Well the word got around, they said, “This kid is insane, man.”

Took up a collection just to send him to the mainland

“Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came, and

The world is gonna know your name.

What’s your name, man?”

[Mr. Monopoly]

Rich Uncle Pennybags

My name is Rich Uncle Pennybags

And there’s a million properties I haven’t won

But just you wait, just you wait…

Spoiler alert: The Top Hat Piece ends up shooting Pennybags in a duel.

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