Photo: VALERIE MACON/AFP (Getty Images)

You know how it is: It’s late October, the jack-o-lanterns are out, and you’re looking for extra places around the house to get all spookied up. Cobwebs in the bathroom? Check. Skeletons in the closet? On point. But what about the top drawer in your nightstand? You know the one we mean; the one you’re always terrified your parents will absently pull open when they come over to visit and rifle through all your stuff. Readers of The A.V. Club, we’ll be blunt: Are you doing your part to make sure your sex toys are sufficiently spooky this Halloween?

Fret not, friends: Marilyn Manson is here to help you, as he’s helped so many people in need of a quick refresher on Goth By Numbers mayhem. The rocker announced tonight a new product in his online store, one guaranteed to transform your “Boos” this Halloween into “BooooOOOOoooooowaitalittlelowerooooOOOOOOoooohs”: An 8-inch dildo with his face painted on it.

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And we know what you’re thinking: Is that sucker hypoallergenic? Absolutely. (And good job noticing the sucker on its base.) Also, the paint on Marilyn’s face (head?) is environmentally safe, so, ya know: Hooray, environment.

Lil’ Marilyn currently retails at $125, although that does include a tasteful velvet bag to hide your tainted love away in, and the warm satisfaction of knowing that the next time a potential partner confesses an odd sexual peccadillo to you, you’ve almost certainly got them beat.

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