It’s a day of celebration here on the internet, and if you don’t already know why then we are deeply envious and also deeply sorry for the thing we’re about to bring into your life. That’s because today, July 9, happens to be the 9th anniversary of the worst thing ever posted on Twitter. Oh sure, Donald Trump has almost incited nuclear war and the amount of social media harassment has increased by a truly horrifying amount in the last decade, but those things are bad or dangerous or vile. This is just the worst.
We are referring, of course, to this post from Kevin Smith in which he mentions that his wife Jennifer Schwalbach “still pOwns” his dick:
Please scroll further down the page, as looking at this tweet for too long has been known to burn the image onto your retinas like an old TV. Also, please don’t think about the words “clit/brown/taint-area” because it may cause your brain to spontaneously burst into flames. Please, forget the content of this tweet as soon as you possibly can.
In the years since singlehandedly making the internet a worse place, Smith has tried to justify the bad thing he did by explaining that he lost a bet to Schwalbach. In a Facebook post from 2014, he said that he used to post purposefully gross sex tweets about his wife just to be funny, so to turn the tables, she supposedly bet him that she could post something so vile that even he would be embarrassed by it. The one condition was that he could never delete it, no matter how bad it was. As the story goes, Smith was totally unfazed when he read the awful thing, noting only that she had misspelled “pwn,” but in the years since he has realized that horrible thing is like one of those vengeful ghosts that will follow him until the end of time.
The other possibility is that Kevin Smith tweeted this bad thing himself and refuses to admit it. Either way, nine years in and it still pOwns our collective dick.