Like an unstoppable killing machine indifferent to the pain of others, Michael Bay’s second reboot of the Friday The 13th franchise continues to brutally lumber toward existence. V/H/S contributor David Bruckner has already signed on to direct, and is expected to bring his found footage style to the series, giving an in-universe justification for all the poor shot compositions and crappy lighting. And now, Bay’s Platinum Dunes production company has announced that it’s found someone willing to put their name on a script for a 13th Friday The 13th movie, with Hannibal co-producer Nick Antosca agreeing to take the artistic hit.

Antosca’s script is expected to delve into the backstory of unstoppable hockey equipment enthusiast Jason Voorhees, and, according to The Hollywood Reporter, “answer the decades-old question of why slasher Jason Voorhees can’t be killed.” Presumably, that means viewers will be seeing a lot of scenes of Paramount executives looking over budget sheets and market projections before listlessly shrugging and greenlighting the damn movie, resigned to the fact that their artistic lives are as dead as a horny teenager with a machete lodged in his sternum.


Friday The 13th is currently set for a March 16, 2016 release date, with the next reboot planned for whenever the spirits of the good and the virtuous once again grow weak.