After literally months of slugging it out in the filthy trenches of the music industry, where she was forced to commit indignities like singing with Muppets, singing with moppets, and participating in maybe the worst Oscars telecast ever, that kid Gwyneth Paltrow appears to finally be “close” to a record deal. The New York Post reports that Paltrow is “poised” to sign a contract with Atlantic Records, where she plans to record a revolutionary pop-country opus the likes of which the world has never seen from a pretty blonde woman married to a famous singer. (That’s right, Paltrow is coming for you, Faith Hill.)

While the Post story doesn’t specify a dollar amount (saying only that it’s "substantial"), there are rumors online (forwarded by people like Maura Johnston of Popdust) that it’s in the neighborhood of $900,000. Sounds like Gwyneth will finally be able to take care of Ma, Pa, and all the kin back home.