Guns N' Roses at the MTV Music Awards in 1992. (Photo: Getty Images)

Billboard is reporting that Guns N’ Roses—as in the actual Guns N’ Roses, Slash and Axl Rose, the twin scions of Goofy Top Hat and Ill-Advised Bandana—are planning to reunite. The pair—who last played together in 1993—will reportedly come together at next year’s Coachella Music Festival in April, which they’ll headline as a band. Then—assuming nobody kills anybody else—they apparently plan to launch a 25-venue tour of North America, presumably culminating in an encore performance of “November Rain” from within the frozen remains of Hell, as Slash belts out a wailing guitar solo from beneath a flying-pig-filled sky.

According to Billboard, hints about the reunion came earlier this week, when the band’s web site updated with an image of the group’s old logo; meanwhile, certain theatergoers attending showings of Star Wars: The Force Awakens were treated to a cryptic trailer showing crowd footage underscored by old GNR hits. (There’s also that rumor Dish Nation was floating around back in November, which now appears to have been borne out.) There’s nothing on the record yet, but Billboard is confidently asserting that at least the Coachella shows—from April 15 to 17, and April 22 to 24—are as sure a thing as anything can be in a land where Chinese Democracy holds sway.


Meanwhile, nobody’s saying anything about the rest of the group’s lineup, or whether Appetite For Destruction-era members Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and Steven Adler are also up for the reunion, presumably because we’re all waiting to see if whatever genie was tapped to make this miracle happen has enough mojo—or money, maybe, considering that the band is apparently asking for $3 million per show—to pull the whole thing off.