There are some things on Earth better left unknown. Guinness World Records is in the business of documenting every minor wonder and horror our planet holds, though, and that means it must sometimes award recognition to people like an American kid with “the largest mouth gape” before showing him placing apples, oranges, and baseballs into the frightening vortex at the center of his face.
Isaac Johnson, the 14-year-old in question, is profiled in a video that shows what life is like for a child who we can only imagine is controlled like a puppet by his terrifying maw and its unknowable hungers. After introducing Johnson with a slow motion clip of his mouth lunging at the viewer, strings of saliva and the metal of his braces glinting as he threatens to devour the camera whole, Guinness tells us he is the proud owner of the (Christ...) “Largest gape,” which measures 9.34 centimeters or 3.67 inches.
Following this, we’re made to bear witness as Johnson places a variety of objects—baseball, tennis ball, water battle—into his mouth by opening up like an anaconda unhinging its jaws to feast on a dead cow. The kid’s mouth, Guinness assures with each new scene, is extremely big.
We can sort of understand the desire to record all of these feats. Guinness is determined to collect every record, after all, from toilet sitting to walnut headbutting to watermelon slicing. What we cannot forgive, though, is the decision to title the video “Me & My Monster Mouth Gape!” Please Guinness, almost any other selection of words would’ve been better.
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