It’s a good day for people with that rose emoji in their Twitter bio and for people who like to drink “wooder,” because Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty—hero of the common man, savior of the people, Antifa warrior—has been cleared of accusations that he punched a 13-year-old boy at a meet-and-greet in November. The claims first surfaced late last month when a Delaware man named Chris Greenwell claimed that Gritty (a big orange nonsense monster who makes the Phillie Phanatic look like a normal person) lunged at his son and “hit him in the back” in response to the kid giving him a “light tap” on the head three times. Greenwell said his son required medical attention and the cops launched an investigation, but now NBC News is reporting that the police have decided that Gritty “did not commit any crime and will not be arrested.”
The police said that the incident “did not constitute physical assault,” implying that the “hit” did happen but that Gritty did not hurt the teenager as much as the father alleged. Either way, the big orange guy is back on the streets of Philadelphia, holding back the threat of fascism, defending the very freedoms we hold dear, and… throwing t-shirts into the stands at Flyers games. Each of those things is important in its own way, because what is throwing a t-shirt into the stands but a redistribution of wealth? Take that, capitalist dogs!
Also, nobody in the NBC news story up above or the original report about the alleged attack mentioned the name of the actual person inside the Gritty costume, leading us to believe that it’s not a costume at all and that Gritty is just a real guy who likes the Flyers and hates fascism (and also maybe he’s not wild about teenagers).