Photo: Alexander Gardner (Getty Images)

Of all the portraits and statues of Abraham Lincoln that have been made, none have fully captured his inner essence. Too concerned with portraying America’s 16th President as determined and wise, most artists forget that one of Lincoln’s most important features was his hot fuckin’ bod.

This is most definitely not the case with a statue in the Los Angeles federal courthouse, which was brought to the internet’s attention yesterday by screenwriter Zack Stentz. Peek behind your shoulder to make sure nobody’s looking, then gaze at the dreamboat pictured below.

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The statue, finely-sculpted in more ways than one, is staggering. Lincoln, strong jaw visible sans chinstrap, slumps suggestively backward like a Calvin Klein underwear model. One giant, bear-like hand hooks into his pants while the other holds a book, letting everyone know that Abe is both a lover and a scholar, while the blank expression on his face peers down at passersby with a come-hither look.

Hot Lincoln is a lot to take in, but Twitter, with its usual restraint, is wasting no time with anything other than unvarnished delight.

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The origins of the statue were soon discovered through a Life magazine article detailing its creation last century.

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The Washington Post‚Äôs Gillian Brockell continued the investigation, writing an article that reveals Hot Lincoln is actually called ‚ÄúYoung Lincoln‚ÄĚ and was created by a local artist named James Lee Hansen who won a contest in 1939 to make it. It was unveiled at the Los Angeles federal courthouse in 1941 and is, no joke, based on Hansen‚Äôs own body. As Brockell notes, Hansen put the money he was awarded for the work toward a good cause, writing that ‚Äúhe used his prize money to buy a car, crashed it and ‚Äėspent 18 days in jail.‚Äô‚ÄĚ Holy hell.¬†¬†

In short, it‚Äôs an excellent statue with an excellent story behind it. With its mysteries‚ÄĒand Lincoln himself‚ÄĒlaid bare, there‚Äôs nothing left to do but look forward to the sexy Jimmy Carter monument that‚Äôs most certainly on the horizon.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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