Suggesting that someone, somewhere, stumbled mid-bender upon a magic Schlitz can, and decided to waste the one wish it granted them on making reality its dumbest, loudest self, the non-existent senatorial campaign of Robert Ritchie—known to the bleary-eyed masses as sentient haircut mistake Kid Rock—is creeping ever closer to reality. Today, Politico reports that the president of a conservative super PAC that’s been endorsed by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has expressed his support for Ritchie’s alleged candidacy.
“We’d be actually very interested in his candidacy,” Steven Law, the president of the Senate Leadership Fund, and McConnell’s former chief of staff, told C-SPAN today. “I certainly wouldn’t count him out.” Law was responding to a recent RealClearPolitics poll showing that the future senior senator from Bawitdaba was only 8 points behind Sen. Debbie Stabenow, one of Michigan’s current incumbents.
Ritchie hasn’t made it clear whether he’s actually intending to run, or whether this is all part of an elaborate conspiracy to get us to buy more shitty barbecue grills. He has started selling merch and passing around memes, though, including a picture that reads, “I believe if you work your butt off and pay taxes, you should be able to easily understand and navigate the laws, tax codes, health care and anything else the government puts in place that affects us all,” a stance that would put the political discourse at eye-level with a man who once wrote the lyrics “Fly with new blast, get gas / Kid Rock some folks thought I’d flew right past / Faded fast, ran outta gas / Here I come again, all back in that ass.”
“The truth of the matter is that he’s done a lot in his home state philanthropically, he’s a pretty smart guy, he thinks about policy and he’s a shrewd businessman,” Law said on C-SPAN. “If you’re watching, Kid, we hope you run.”