The Motion Picture Association of America and National Association of Theatre Owners have updated their anti-piracy policy to ban the use of Google Glass in movie theaters, saying they have a “zero tolerance policy” towards the wearing of any Internet-enabled device to the multiplex. Unlike most who object to Google Glass, the MPAA and NATO’s objections don’t stem from the fact that wearing one makes you look like a douchebag from the year 2125, but because the devices have the ability to record video without being obvious about it, despite Google’s claims to the contrary.

The ban comes after a Columbus, Ohio man was detained for three and a half hours by the Department of Homeland Security after he was spotted wearing Google Glass to a screening of Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. The man and his wife were released after officials determined that he was merely watching the movie, not recording it, which should have been obvious from the beginning because anyone who sees Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is too old to know how to pirate movies anyway. The MPAA reportedly gave the man four movie passes for his trouble.

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People who enjoy spending $8 to $15 to sit and scroll through Facebook for two hours in a darkened movie theater, meanwhile, will continue their reign of terror unabated.