Photo: Neilson Barnard (Getty Images)

The music blogosphere has been filling up with reports today of a fancy, super-exclusive listening party being held in Wyoming tonight by rapper Kanye West, reports we’ve watched with studied objectivity during all the times when we weren’t walking out to check our mailboxes this afternoon, just because, no reason, why, what have you heard? Amid tales of luxury airliners, “Wyoming”-branded swag, and all sorts of other fancy shmancy things we honestly couldn’t possibly care about, really, because we’re just in this for the music, there’s been a lot of speculation about what sort of tracks West—who’s been promising a slate of new albums of late—is getting ready to unleash.

The assumption, though, was that whatever new songs Kanye released today were going to be exclusively heard by the glorious shining wonderful privileged perfect heralds at the party, tapped by King Ye to bring word back to the unwashed and exiled masses—at least as soon as they finished digesting whatever fancy hors d’oeuvres a guy like Kanye might serve at a party like this. (Probably shrimp, right? We’re imagining some kind of bacon-covered shrimp.) But lo and behold, the seafood-denied plebes have caught a break, with West announcing that he’ll be streaming the event over the internet, allowing us all to peer in like a bunch of Dickensian fucking orphans with our noses pressed up against the window.

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Of course, this being Kanye, there’s always an extra hoop to jump through: You’re going to have to use the WAV Media app to view the party and the new music—at least if you somehow didn’t get an invite, even though freaking Variety somehow did, and they, like, barely cover music at all. Anyway, here’s the takeaway: You can stream the party, we’re not bitter, we’re allergic to shrimp probably anyway, there’s possibly a new Kanye album available to listen to, good night.

Update, 9:22 p.m.: We’re now watching the stream, and so far it seems like West has executed a brilliant scheme to trick thousands of people into watching a campfire and some admittedly majestic grazing horses over the internet. We’ll update again if any music happens, or Jonah Hill happens to wander in front of the camera.

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Update, 10:25 p.m.: The press corps at the event has now been served dinner; we’re not seeing any shrimp, but the chicken looks pretty good. Meanwhile, the WAV video continues to show a crackling fire and the occasional horse and absolutely no new music, serving as possibly the best piece of viral marketing Big S’More has put in front of the American people since that scene from The Sandlot where Smalls isn’t sure if he wants some more.

Update, 10:38 p.m.: People have come out to put more wood on the fire. REPEAT: People have come out to put more wood on the fire. Say what you like about the man, but this is Classic Kanye.

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