Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

God bless and keep the Egg Teen

Illustration for article titled God bless and keep the Egg Teen
Photo: Roberto Machado Noa (Getty Images)

You probably don’t need us to tell you this, but it’s been one of those weeks on This Floating Garbage Barge Earth, the kind where the mere act of reading Twitter or glancing at headlines can be a soul-crushing reminder that dangerous, awful people are getting bolder by the day. It’s the kind of week that makes you really cherish the heroes out there, those who step up and do something to make the world a little better by, say, smashing an egg on the back of the head of an extremely public racist, consequences be damned.


Enter the Egg Teen, an ova-equipped teenager who smashed his way into our hearts yesterday by cracking said egg over Australian senator/racist shitshow Fraser Anning, whose Islamophobic response to the Christchurch killings in New Zealand this week constituted one of the most gut-turning instances of victim-blaming we’ve ever seen—and we work on the internet.

We don’t have much in the way of concrete biographical data on the Egg Teen, but fans should be on the look-out for an Australian ginger gifted with absolutely exceptional aim. Meanwhile—because he’s a piece of shit—Anning responded to this harmless act of impromptu political protest by turning around and punching the heroic child, before his assorted beefy goons dogpiled and put him in a chokehold, just like a bunch of big, strong men naturally would.

Per USA Today, Australian police briefly arrested, and then released, our new hero, which is probably about as close to “justice” as we’re going to get in March 2019. Anyway, to sum up: The world sucks, Fraser Anning really sucks, and the Egg Teen rules.