Carefully honed stupidity is a powerful marketing commodity—to the point where a company like Taco Bell can forge entire fast food empires out of slapping leftover junkfood dust together in a drawer and then compelling you to dare your buddies to eat it. But while the science of flavor-blasting continues apace is the fast-casual market, it rarely touches on the world of more upscale potables. Which is exactly what makes today such a wonderful horror-delight for connoisseurs of fine whiskey, as Scotch brand The Glenlivet made copious amounts of the good-dumb kind of waves this morning by debuting edible seaweed bags full of booze.
Everything about the above ad is perfect, from the warm “I’ve got a wonderful secret” voice of the narrator, to the looks on the faces of actors popping a blister of wood-flavored cocktail in their mouth and then happily sucking down the pus. The brilliant part is that there’s no actual irony on display—this isn’t Arby’s, trotting out waifus or otherwise suggesting it’s in on the joke—and yet it creates the perfect negative space for irony to form around. “That’s so dumb,” your forebrain says, automatically, while the little voice in the back of your head whispers “I could absolutely fuck with that.”
Sadly (or whatever), the Glenlivet Capusles are currently only available in the UK, depriving the U.S. but all but the most distant of jokes about the Tide Pod challenge, or teenagers sticking these things up their butts. (We’ve seen that one a couple of times today; it’s apparently a pressing concern.) Glenlivet has suggested that, if they’re popular enough, they may make their way Stateside, though; we can only hope that when the day comes, our pedestrian gullets (or whatever) will be prepared to guzzle this sweet sci-fi space nectar down.