Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
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Today is a day that history books will look back on as a day of great injustice. Yes, likely the upcoming Senate impeachment vote, but also: We regret to inform you that someone apparently stole the pink perfect attendance pencil of adorable second-grader Taylor.

As E!Online reports, Taylor’s mom, Instagram user @tabgeezy, posted the following video, in which Taylor lays out the entire harrowing tale. “Somebody—and I know who—stole my perfect attendance pencil—who didn’t even earn one because they. were. in. Canada!”According to Taylor, Lizzie is the (alleged) culprit, as Taylor says she spotted her with the item in question. And as Taylor makes perfectly clear, the suspect didn’t even earn the all-important perfect attendance pencil, because she, at one point, went to Canada. How can you earn a perfect attendance pencil when you’ve been out of school, having a blast in Canada? Answer: You can not.


Taylor’s mom tries her best to bring some levity to the situation, reasoning that “It’s just a pencil,” and all pencils pretty much work the same way. Taylor isn’t having it, giving her award the value it deserves: “It was a perfect. attendance. pencil!” Case closed. Taylor’s teacher, surely you can remedy this grave injustice? After all, practically all of Twitter was incensed enough to make “Lizzie” trend worldwide.  


Gwen Ihnat is the Editorial Coordinator for The A.V. Club.

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