Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

As the mayor of Gay Town, James Franco is imbued with a sense of civic duty that demands he reach out to his community, ensuring its every basic human need for James Franco’s art is met. Too often, however, bureaucracy can only leave art’s myriad dildos wrapped in red tape (and not even just for “Red-Tape Dildo No. 2,” debuting at the MoMA later this month). And in these occasionally desperate times, Franco must reasonably petition Gay Town's good citizens for their support, especially seeing as the Red Cross is too busy with hurricanes or whatever.

That’s why Franco has turned to Indiegogo to ask for $500,000 to complete his latest endeavor: a series of three films to be adapted from James Franco’s Palo Alto, a short-story collection James Franco loosely based on James Franco’s life in James Franco’s hometown. In addition to sheltering yet more of the world beneath the all-encompassing Franco umbrella, the project has some additional charitable angles. First, it will help to develop the careers of four directors Franco handpicked from NYU to make James Franco films. Second, any and all profits from the films will go to Art of Elysium, “a non-profit organization that encourages working actors, artists and musicians to voluntarily dedicate their time and talent to children who are battling serious medical conditions,” so automatically you are a terrible person for expressing any reservations.


Of course, you could just give your money directly to that charity—or really, any charity of your choice, even one whose chief contribution is something besides giving James Franco “the opportunity to share my creativity with hospitalized children.” But such thinking follows an outdated paradigm, akin to using nothing but your own funding to make your own movies based on your own stories. (Or, making just one movie based on one story first, then using part of any profits you make from that to fund another one, should there prove to be actual consumer interest, then donating the rest to noble causes.)

And besides, in doing so you’d be robbing yourself of rewards—not just the pride of fostering more young James Francos, but actual, physical rewards like an “I Love James Franco Palo Alto Stories” tote bag, perfect for sparking conversations you’ll want to have, original Franco paintings, or even a $450 personalized cell phone greeting by James Franco. Please note, however, that Franco “retains the right to edit the script if he deems the content inappropriate,” as James Franco is very selective about what he chooses to put his name on.

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