People love their iPhones. They love putting their hands all over them, grasping them and just using them. So it’s hardly a surprise that when reviewers all over the world got their sticky mitts on such a big, beautiful device they would begin to get a little overenthusiastic. After all, when you’re writing a review of such a sleek, svelte, and maybe even a little bit sexy device there’s bound to be some feelings lurking just under the surface. To put a (smooth, velvety) voice to those feelings, Polygon and The Verge writer Chris Plante has put together some saucy poems using the words of a smattering of iPhone 6 reviews. The results are hilarious, sensual, and mostly about having big hands. They also show that, man, a lot of reviewers seem to be really close to just fucking their iPhones.