After a week-long stress marathon that seemingly, blessedly ended with the joyously incontrovertible fact that Joe Biden is going to be the next President of the United States (and Donald Trump 100 percent isn’t), Monday afternoon came along to remind us how we can’t have nice things. Oh, Biden’s still going to be President, what with a 5 million popular vote margin and a projected electoral college tally exactly equal to what Donny himself trumpeted as a “landslide” in 2016. (Except that then he only lost the popular vote by 3 million.) But Republican ratfuckers gonna Republican rat-fuck, with Trump sycophants—when not propping up registered sex offender GOP operatives as star witnesses to nonexistent voter fraud next to a dildo emporium—setting off a series of lawsuits designed to . . . something. Stop vote counts. Recount votes, Restart votes. Invalidate military ballots. Basically everything that screams, “Mine! Mine! Mine! Gimmee!!”
But we’re not here to talk about all that—their spurious bullshit is doomed legally (Trump’s team is exactly 0-for-all the numbers so far), whereas various, sweaty state attempts to bully election officials have run up against contemptuous looks (from often Republican public servants). There’s that pesky worry about Trump having fired one Secretary of Defense in favor of one apparently less squeamish about using federal troops against protesters, but, hey, we’ll cross that constitutional crisis when it sticks a baton in our collective face. As Colbert noted when talking to risen Democratic all-star, former Georgia gubernatorial candidate, and person who will brook no GOP nonsense, Stacey Abrams, it’s tough amidst all this yammering bullshit to relish the fact that we actually won.
“Yes, we actually won,” assured Abrams, who spent her two segments alternately laying out the next steps toward dismantling Republican power, and spitting serenely assured fire at “the orange menace of putrescence” who will “no longer be able to occupy the White House.” “That is a big deal,” stressed Abrams. Deflecting Colbert’s praise for her tireless years of work in building the coalition of Georgia voters that delivered the state to a Democrat for the first time since 1992, Abrams credited all the groups—largely led by Black woman—who’ve been doing that all along. That said, she did note how—after her own sketchy defeat to current governor (and person who purged Black voters in record numbers while overseeing his own race as Secretary of State), Brian Kemp—saw her refocusing the sporadic, candidate-driven enthusiasm of Georgia voters to ensure that every race, every time, up-ballot and down, would receive the same level of engagement.
Speaking of that, Abrams, after confessing to Colbert that she took “17 minutes on Saturday afternoon” to savor the flavor of Biden’s win, moved right onto the upcoming runoff elections. They’re taking place in Georgia too, as Democrats John Ossoff and Raphael Warnock qualified to re-battle incumbent Republicans (both under FBI investigation for COVID-profiteering insider trading), Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue. (Loeffler and Perdue are also teaming up to try and bully the current Georgia Secretary of State out of his job for daring to count the votes of Black people.) Asked what her goal was now in this dual campaign that will determine the balance of the Senate, Abrams was straightforward, saying, “To raise all the money that we can, as fast as we can, from anywhere we can.” (“We’re gonna flip two seats at once,” said Abrams, “We like to be efficient in the South.”) She went on to go all-in on current Senate majority leader and obstructionist mummy Mitch McConnell (R-KY), saying of the human arterial clog in the body politic, “He is not a good leader, he is not a good man, and we can not stand four more years of blocking and of denying the needs of Americans.”
Lot to do, but Abrams has shown she’s up for the hard work, telling Colbert of her grindingly effective philosophy toward actual representative government in Georgia, “We don’t elect saviors, we elect workers.” Colbert tried to push the Abrams-as-savior narrative by showing one of the heroic memes that have cropped up since Georgia went blue (he chose a Lord Of The Rings one, natch’), but, as Abrams steadfastly reminded him, we’re all responsible for undoing this still-overflowing shitshow. (Not her exact words.) Plus, she stressed one more time for the terminally anxious, “Oh and did I mention, Trump is leaving. That is a big win—we can get the rest of it done.”