For some younger people, it might be interesting to learn that Gene Simmons wasn’t always famous just for being an asshole. Before he was the guy who defended Donald Sterling, told depressed people to kill themselves, and apologized for that by telling everyone about all of the charities he works with, Gene Simmons was actually in an inexplicably popular rock band called KISS. He wore makeup, stuck his tongue out a lot, and sang songs about partying eva-ry day, kind of like an old-fashioned version of Miley Cyrus—a joke that we’re certain has never been made before. Now, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Simmons is trying to combine his old career and his new career—as a guy who tries to get on TV as often as possible—by launching Coliseum, a battle of the bands-themed reality show.
Rather than bringing in existing groups and deciding which is the best in the world, a title that already belongs to 5 Seconds Of Summer anyway, Coliseum will apparently task contestants with forming a new band on the spot and then competing with others to see which has the best “musical voice and performance.” Then, Simmons will come in “as the Rock Caesar” and decide each group’s fate with a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Winners move on in the competition, and losers get executed. If that sounds a little too dramatic, here it is in Simmons’ own words: “Coliseum is a no-holds-barred competition show between musical gladiators in the arena fighting to survive, fighting to be the champion, fighting to curry the favor of Rock Caesar.” Once again, “Rock Caesar” is a name that Simmons gave himself, just in case anyone expected him to bring some uncharacteristic modesty to this endeavor.
Simmons is still shopping Coliseum around to networks, but hopefully one will pick it up soon. We don’t want him to have to wait too long for someone to curry his favor. In the meantime, maybe he can give another interview where he says something horrible. That would be fun.