Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Furries make citizen's arrest of domestic abuser

Illustration for article titled Furries make citizens arrest of domestic abuser
Photo: South China Morning Post (Getty Images)

The year is 2020. The Trump impeachment hearings have begun and the world is on fire. Vigilantes clad in cartoonish animal costumes—also known as furries—are our only true protectors.

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Per CNN, a group of fursona-sporting role players at San Jose’s Further Confusion (aka FurCon) overheard a confrontation between a couple in a nearby car, then noticed the man in the passenger’s seat assaulting his partner. This prompted a small squad of good boys to run over, wrestle the jackass out of his car, and keep him subdued until police arrived.

We know what you’re wondering, and the answer is: Oh hell yes there’s footage.

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“We heard a woman’s screams coming from inside and saw the passenger throwing full fists at whoever was driving,” a DJ at the convention named Robbie Ryans told CNN. “We got up and ran towards the car, my friend pulled open the door and we both held onto the attacker. The girl driver was yelling for him to get out, as he started trying to fight us off.”

The aforementioned jackass was later booked for domestic assault, while the furries presumably celebrated their triumph with techno music, sex toys, and extreme vaping.

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“It all happened so fast, I still can’t believe it,” he continued. “I’m so glad everything worked out in the end. It was a horrible sight to see. Afterward we were very shaken up but relieved.”

Furries. The heroes we need, not the ones we deserve.

(via Boing Boing)

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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