Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Funny Or Die wonders: Will you take the Big Titty Biden pledge?

Illustration for article titled Funny Or Die wonders: Will you take the Big Titty Biden pledge?
Screenshot: YouTube (Fair Use)

It’s going to be a strange week, to put it mildly. The stakes, as you may have read or heard in one of the presumably dozens of text messages, phone calls, and emails you may have received over the last month, are staggeringly high. (These messages are not hyperbolic! Please vote for the guy who’s not a total fascist!) The powers that be at Funny or Die, including writers Julie Greiner and Grace Thomas, have decided to play their part by inviting a bunch of funny people—Demi Adejuyigbe, Jamie Loftus, others—to take the Big Titty Biden pledge.

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And what is that, might you ask? Well, they’ll gladly tell you themselves.

If you’d rather just read about it, here’s the short version: a “woman designer” created what’s sure to be the most indelible image of the election season by drawing Joe Biden with sizable buzooms. Those taking the pledge vow that, should “regular-titty” Joe Biden become our next President, they will get the more generously endowed version of the former Vice President and hopeful President-Elect tattooed permanently above the simple, moving phrase, “Joe Biden is my Mommy and my Daddy.”

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We cannot imagine anyone familiar with FOD’s oeuvre would doubt this, but yes, you really can pay a visit to bigtittybiden.com, and upon that visit you can make a plan to vote or take the pledge yourself.

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So let’s take a look at some of the people who we all very much hope will have some really regrettable ink at some point between now and Inauguration Day.

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Aaron Sorkin saw that video and said, “Damn, is there still time to revise ‘Two Cathedrals?’ Because that is some stirring-ass rhetoric.”

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A video can tell a powerful story but sometimes only a few simple words will suffice.

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If this writer—sorry, this woman writer—could manage to vote while only glimpsing her ballot from between her massive cans, then surely you can, too. And if you’ve already voted, just politely respond “unsubscribe.” It works like a charm. If you have not, then do that and unsubscribe after.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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