Even for people who don’t follow politics (or live in New York), Senator Chuck Schumer is relatively famous. For one thing, he and his staff recently pulled off a delightful Trump troll, but he’s probably better known for joining his cousin Amy Schumer in a push for more gun control. Now, Schumer is once again using his political power to try and stop Americans from expressing their inalienable right to hurt themselves and others, but instead of tackling an easy target like guns, he’s found a much tougher one: a weird kind of chocolate.
According to The Guardian, Schumer thinks the Food And Drug Administration should start looking into a new trend of “snortable” chocolate powder, saying that self-described “raw cacao snuff” products like Coco Loko are being marketed like drugs and could be harmful to people due to the fact that they contain caffeine. In a statement, Schumer says that the chocolate “has no clear health value,” and he adds that he can’t imagine a single parent “who thinks it is a good idea for their children to be snorting over-the-counter stimulants up their noses.”
The Guardian story adds that Coco Loko claims it can make you more focused, give you an “ecstasy-like euphoria,” and give partygoers the energy to “dance the night away without a crash.” Naturally, none of that has been cleared by the FDA, and apparently doctors don’t even know what snorting chocolate can do to the human body. Unless Schumer wins, which doesn’t seem too likely since he hasn’t made much progress on that gun control thing, the only way to really test the power of Coco Loko will be for some brave soul to bury their face in it like Tony Montana and just see what happens. No matter what, the FDA will probably want to weigh in after that.