It’s a question most men have had mid-coitus, rising gradually in their minds like the process of nature taking its usual course: Am I doing sex good? Have I utilized enough positions? Is my dick hot enough? And hey, how’s my thrust velocity? How does it compare to that of my favorite bro?

Answering these universal concerns, a company called i.Con is gauging interest and preparing to open preorders for what it calls a Smart Condom. Contrary to the name, the company’s product is really more of a cock ring, nestling at the base of the condom where it can safely measure any number of wholly unnecessary stats. (Tracked metrics include: calories burnt during sexual intercourse, speed of thrusts, total number of thrusts, frequency of sessions, total duration of sessions, average velocity of thrusts, and, of course, girth measurement.) The user can then review the data as part of their overly technical afterglow, and, of course, upload them to the internet for comparison, although that part’s optional, thank Christ.

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The device is currently set to retail for $73, and charges by being connected to your computer with a micro USB cord. (Note to the designers: You may want to insert a ”WASH FIRST” step into that process at some point.) The company says it won’t start accepting orders for the device until they’re ready to sell it, some time later this year.

And if you don’t have a penis…Well, if you don’t have a penis, the i.Con has nothing for you, because it’s basically just a way for men to brag about how hot their genitals can get. Way to lose half your market there, guys.

[via Cnet]

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