Recognizing that the tale of Fred Durst is too layered and complex to be conveyed merely through song, particularly if it’s a Fred Durst song, the Limp Bizkit frontman has repeatedly sought to tell it through the medium of television, where the chocolate starfish of inspiration meets the hotdog flavored water of creative sustenance. First came the CBS project Douchebag, in which Durst would have starred in an autobiographical sitcom based on his life story as a “rock legend” that he tells himself every morning, while placing yet another backwards ball cap over his bald, 43-year-old pate. Now, after CBS executives surprisingly passed on spending a lot of time with Fred Durst, he’s developing another autobiographical TV show—this time a drama, the better to capture the universal tragedy of all that man does for the nookie, only to have life continually stick that cookie up his yeah, stick it up his yeah, stick it up his wearily resigned yeah.
Titled The Noise, after the buzzing in your head upon reading that Fred Durst is developing another TV show about himself, the series would chronicle “the rise of a young artist in the 1990s who escapes a tumultuous home life and forms a wildly popular band with a unique sound,” only to spend the rest of his days so desperate to revisit that popularity, he starts pitching TV shows where he gets to relive it every week. The series is currently in development at The CW, owing to the fact that teenage girls love Fred Durst in the imaginary inner life that he leads and would like to finally see on his TV screen, please don’t make him rap about it anymore.