Screenshot: HAR.com

Here’s the good news: A gorgeous, five-bedroom house is for sale on a two-acre plot of land in Richmond, Texas. Here’s the bad news: It’s been overrun by mannequins, taxidermy, leering dolls, and every other shade of nightmare.

Of course, the house’s singular charm is only hinted at in its listing on HAR.com, which touts that “every bell & whistle was added by the builder” and that you “truly have to let this one sink in to appreciate all the extras.” By “extras,” do they mean the mannequin children dangling from the ceiling?

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Screenshot: HAR.com
Screenshot: HAR.com

“Enter into this paradise via the electronic gate,” a caption on another photo of the house’s exterior reads, an eerie, uncanny figure standing just beyond the spires. “The crepe myrtles are in full bloom. You will love all the hidden gems here. Come on in!”

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Screenshot: HAR.com

She’s not lying about the hidden gems. In nearly every shot, a lifeless, human-shaped husk resides among each room’s mountainous, cluttered collection of Southwestern-themed paintings, trinkets, and furs. Some sit at counters. Others watch TV. Most of them, however, are watching you.

Screenshot: HAR.com

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Screenshot: HAR.com
Screenshot: HAR.com

The captions never once acknowledge the oddities occupying the rooms. The caption for the below photo, for example, reads, “This is a view of the formal living. The dental molding is a work of art. There are also built ins on two walls. This room also has hardwood floors.” Yeah, it also has a Christmas tree, a doll with tree limbs for hands, and Santa Claus pushing a vintage baby carriage.

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Screenshot: HAR.com

Whether the decorations come with the house is unclear, as are the whereabouts of the current owners. The only trace of humanity to be found in this hellscape are some scrawled words on a chalkboard in what can only be described as a “fitness room.”

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“FINE!” it reads. Fine, indeed.