Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Foolhardy Redditor reviews every direct-to-video Nic Cage movie from the past decade

Illustration for article titled Foolhardy Redditor reviews every direct-to-video Nic Cage movie from the past decade
Screenshot: YouTube

In 1923, renowned mountaineer George Mallory was asked by the New York Times why he felt the need to risk life and limb attempting to be among the first Westerners to scale Mount Everest. “Because it’s there,” Mallory famously replied, which, as far as answers go, is honestly pretty stoic and badass. Then again, it’s probably worth mentioning Mallory disappeared not long after while climbing the mountain in the summer of 1924—his eerie, ice-preserved corpse only rediscovered 75 years later on the mountain’s North Face. So, you know, public displays of stoicism and badassery really only get you so far most of the time.

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Anywho, that doesn’t alter the fact that Mallory’s famous reply still echoes in our heads all these years later, urging us as a society forward into new realms of discovery and exploration. The latest intrepid individual to honor Mallory’s legacy? This guy on Reddit who set out to watch and review every direct-to-video Nic Cage flick from the 2010s.

“Turns out that Nicolas Cage made 29 direct-to-video movies in the 2010’s, and almost immediately, I was determined to watch every one of them. So I did,” writes the utter madman known to us only as u/Schwano.

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What follows is an account of sheer bravery and/or recklessness, as the Redditor both rates and reviews each Cage-credited role. Particular movies of note include Between Worlds, in which Cage’s dead wife gets trapped in the body of someone’s coma-daughter after he tries choking them out as a way to guide their soul back to the realm of the living, or something (10 out of 10). There’s also Primal, which involves Cage, a murderer, and a live jaguar loose on a boat (6 out of 10). And, of course, 211, which we know nothing about other than Schwano’s 1-star review of “Jesus Fucking Christ,” so color us curious.

It’s an insane endeavor worthy of Mallory’s legacy, and, as far as we can tell, only a slightly less dangerous journey than scaling Everest, seeing as how both probably result in severe loss of oxygen supplies to the brain.

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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