Hey, remember flat-earthers? The people who think the Earth is, y’know, flat? It was more of a media trend when a few athletes and musicians suddenly started taking up the cause a couple years back . Still, despite the flat-earthers fading from the conspiratorial consciousness—damn you, QAnon!—true believers are definitely still out here proclaiming the horizon doesn’t curve. (It does, actually.)
Well, there was a flat earth convention in Dallas, Texas recently, prompting not one but two different excursions into the belly of the very dumb, very sad beast. The first tour comes courtesy of the All Gas No Brakes YouTube channel’s Andrew Callaghan, who really takes a backseat and lets the attendees explain to him why our entire model of the universe is a lie.
Other things attendees swear are totally true and not fever dreams:
- There’s a cloned Adolf Hitler hiding out in “New Berlin,” Antarctica, with a team of crack Nazi scientists who know the flat earth truth.
- No, the Jesuits are behind the disinformation.
- No, the Rockefellers are.
- No, the Illuminati.
- No, Zionists.
- Nope. Jews. Just straight-up all Jews.
Our second trip to the conference comes courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel, who sent Jake Byrd down to Texas on a mission to out-crazy everyone there. And, we gotta give credit where credit is due, he comes pretty damn close.
“You’re trying to make the movement seem stupid,” says one man confronting Byrd after finally catching on to his schtick. There’s also a cameo in there from Mark K. Sargent, who was a center aspect of 2018's pretty great flat-earther documentary, Behind The Curve.
Oh, there’s a flat earth rapper in there, too. Wait, there are three. They must be B.o.B. fans.