Photo: Barry Brecheisen (Getty Images)

Happy May the 4th to all the Star Wars fans out there this afternoon, a.k.a. proof that there’s no nerd pun so doofy that a massive corporation won’t co-opt it into its leviathan marketing aims. Among the many Star Wars Day announcements and promos Disney knocked out today, the mega-giant also unveiled the absolute mouthful that is its new “Journey To The Rise Of Skywalker” line of publications, designed to build up hype for J.J. Abrams’ Episode IX—including comics, kids’ books, and a newly updated Star Wars encyclopedia for adults.

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Looking through the catalog, one particular entry does stand out: Choose Your Destiny: A Finn And Poe Adventure, the latest in the company’s recent riffs on the old Choose Your Own Adventure concept. The series kicked off last year with A Han & Chewie Adventure—set during our favorite smuggler’s looking-like-Alden-Ehrenreich days—and has proceeded to cover the exploits of Luke and Leia and Obi Wan and Anakin, as well. Which is all well and good, except that we’re pretty sure, given their druthers, there are a whole lot of choices certain segments of readers might want to make for the Resistance’s handsomest boys who are friends that they wouldn’t for the Skywalker twins. (Although really, what’s a little make-out sesh between siblings in the Star Wars universe, right?)

Finn And Poe is the first of these Choose Your Destiny books to be set during the First Order era, where it’ll be joined by such kid-friendly lit as the Little Golden Book We Are The Resistance and the post-Last Jedi novel Resistance Reborn. Meanwhile, for those of you who’ll spend five minutes flipping futilely through the book’s 20 endings looking for the one where Finn and Poe look at each other, “Oh god, who are we kidding?” and finally get this fucking thing done, we’re happy to direct you toward the entire rest of the internet in order to have those particular needs met.

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