Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled iFifty Shades Of Gandalf The Grey/i proves wizards are freaks

For at least one weekend, filmgoers had a torrid affair with Fifty Shades Of Grey. For some of us, the BDSM fantasy satisfied a longing for carnal pleasures, abandoned control, and emotionless, Armani-clad sexbots.


Before Fifty Shades Of Grey became a worldwide box-office success, there was another monochromatic phenomenon that spanned a trilogy. Long before the world had heard of Christian Grey, there was Gandalf The Grey. A man with a generous staff who would take control when others would not, Gandalf was no stranger to rough trade; heck, he allowed himself to be chained up atop Isengard without a safe word. Gandalf was the type of kinky freak who loved nothing more than plunging himself in a hot, dark hole so he could grapple a Balrog.

Given his proclivities, it’s little surprise that somebody figured out that he’d make the perfect stern, commanding counterpart to the curious Anastasia Steele. Brace yourself for Fifty Shades Of Gandalf The Grey. Anastasia may want to pass, she may need to pass, but she shall not pass until Gandalf is good and ready.

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