Perhaps this whole Fifty Shades Of Grey thing is actually a plot devised by a lesbian separatist terrorist group to get the women of the world tipsy on white wine and pummel them with subliminal messages encouraging them to take up arms against their Y-chromosome-infected oppressors. After all, what better cover for a conspiracy to destroy all men than a movie about a guy who sexily ties up women? It’s a plan worthy of Tyler Durden, were Tyler Durden not a revolting man-pig badly in need of being stuck.

That might seem crazy, but how else to explain the reaction of three women at a Glasgow screening of Fifty Shades Of Grey who attacked a man in the audience with a wine bottle after he told them to be quiet? As eyewitness Michael Bolton (not that Michael Bolton) told The Telegraph, “Besides being the worst film I have ever seen, three women were getting arrested and put in a police van when we arrived.” Yes, the trio’s impromptu attempt at gender warfare was thwarted, but they did get to be put in handcuffs so the night wasn’t a total failure.

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There is, however, an alternate explanation for the women’s violent outburst. “It’s a cinema where you can buy drink,” Bolton continues. “They were wiping down seats before the start of the 8:20 p.m. film. There were also several incredibly drunk women vomiting in the aisle and corridor and several complaints from the other screen about drunk and rowdy folk.” So maybe they were completely wasted, maybe it was the opening salvo in a global war from which no male will escape intact. We’ll see who’s right when the sequel comes out.

[via The Hollywood Reporter]