Even as Taco Bell has thrown a biscuit-shaped sledgehammer into the face of McDonald’s Orwellian, slightly-different-shaped-biscuit dystopia, McDonald’s has striven to prove it still stands for the unflinching nonconformity you’d expect from a global purveyor of hamburger discs. It gave its corporate mascot a new makeover featuring cargo pants, the pant of the iconoclast. It attended SXSW, the underground music festival known only to a small, elite group of around 400,000. And now it’s carried that philosophy to a new line of clothing and lifestyle products, targeting hip people who want to demonstrate a similar sense of individual expression by draping their bodies and homes in Big Macs. But pictures of them, this time.
McDonald’s recently launched its Big Mac Shop, but currently only in Sweden, a nation that has long captured life’s simple pleasure in whimsical expression, like the films of Ingmar Bergman. Still, the online Big Mac Shop is open to all, inviting trendsetters worldwide to cast off the drably oppressive homogeny of picking out differently colored separates to wear, like Big Clothing says to. Now you can liberate yourself from the oppression of choice by donning a uniform of hamburgers. No longer merely the dream of Idiocracy, the future is now.
For example, here are some youngish people whose faces radiate the joy of Big Mac underwear, as well as the realization that they’re being photographed in it. Their feelings can be yours for just 495 SEK—or $58.25—or by pursuing a modeling career.
“But what if it rains and no one knows I like hamburgers?” Please calm down. Even the elements are no match for McDonald’s clothing, which includes both raincoats and Wellingtons emblazoned with the same Big Macs. And just like real Big Macs, they are impenetrable to rain.
There’s even Big Mac wallpaper and Big Mac bedding, for letting your guests know they’ve entered the domicile of someone whose love of two meat patties covered in a faux-Thousand Island gloop is so all-encompassing, it literally blankets your surroundings. So now you don’t have to have that awkward conversation about whether you like Big Macs with your special, overnight guests. You can move straight to heavy petting.
Speaking of pets: “But what about my dog? Is there any way I can make my humiliated dog look like a Big Mac?”
Yes. A thousand times yes.
Unfortunately, it’s unknown at present whether McDonald’s ever plans to introduce a similar clothing line to America. So in the meantime, diehard McDonald’s fans will just have to continue advertising their devotion by wearing clothes that don’t fit.