Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Everything is so stupid that people actually believe Kid Rock is now a senator

Kid Rock, most of us are thankful to know, was never actually running for Senate. Though both material and psychological damage has already been done by the mere idea of his candidacy, we were previously able to imagine that the world had begun to heal after learning that his bizarre performance art bid was never going to turn into anything real.

Well, Jimmy Kimmel Live! is here to remind you that, no, Senator Rock will always be a part of our cultural consciousness now. In a “Lie Witness News” segment from last night, everyday people were informed that Rock ‘n’ Roll Jesus himself had actually won himself a place on the Senate, even dummying up some footage from one of his concert tours to make it look like an acceptance speech.

The whole thing is by turns funny and horrifying, which is to say it’s sort of what you’d expect. There’s the usual stuff where people say they’ve heard the made-up news despite it not existing, but there are also reactions that accept even his most ridiculous, Kimmel-invented policies as a sad new reality in American politics.


One woman is dismayed to learn that Rock “plans to lower the age in Michigan to buy scratch-off tickets to 10" until she hears that doing so may be a solution to prohibitively expensive college tuition. After hearing that his victory speech included the phrase “no fatties,” another pedestrian cuts Rock some slack by saying, “I feel like that could go one of two ways” and that he could either be saying something offensive or “referring to a girl in a kind of good way.” We also see reactions to policies like “legalizing and taxing crystal meth” and opinions on whether he should go by Senator Kid Rock or a fictional birth name like “Mud Critterson,” “Boon Tippins,” or “Junebug Finnegan.”

When the clip finishes, you might think you’ve returned to a more rational world where Rock is not a senator. Don’t let that feeling linger for too long, though. Even though Kid Rock’s entry to politics isn’t legitimate, there’s still The Rock’s presidential campaign slowly spinning up in the background. God only knows what sort of policies he’s got cooking.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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