Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Everyone's horny, but are you "spending $2,000 on this A Bug's Life Fleshlight" horny?

Illustration for article titled Everyones horny, but are you spending $2,000 on this iA Bugs Life/i Fleshlight horny?
Screenshot: FilmIsNow Family Movie Trailers (YouTube)

These are tough times, friends, but we all have to persevere as best we can. For many of us, that means overcoming the boredom of months spent in quarantine by, say, picking up new hobbies. For others, it means taking long, cold showers after watching late ‘90s computer-animated movies about talking insects so you don’t get so lonely-horny that a $2,000 Fleshlight modeled after the caterpillar from A Bug’s Life starts to look like a smart purchase.

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As Motherboard reports, this truly exclusive item does now exist thanks to the efforts of an artist named Malek Lazri. The “ULTRA RARE” larval pleasure tube first came to the world’s attention after being listed for sale on both eBay and Craigslist for a very reasonable $2,000. It’s described as a “promotional Fleshlight, never publicly released only given to a select few high ranking Pixar executives for personal use” and claims to be “one of four in existence.” Both listings also promise it has “very light wear” and is only “gently used.”

The horrible caterpillar was actually created by Lazri for his own (intellectual!) amusement. He made it by filling a clay mold with silicone and encasing the bug in “a real Fleshlight case” before adding details with paint and markers. In case you want to see the result for yourself, Motherboard also uploaded a video of Lazri showing off his work. Please note that the artist refers to the monstrous, cartoon tube’s bug antennae as “ticklers,” which are fully intact and have not “fallen off or been misused.”

Somehow, despite the fact that we’re many weeks into a quarantine that’s caused lots of people to feel lonely, scared, and desperate for intimacy, nobody has bid on or directly purchased the Buglight yet. This seems like a good sign. As long as we can all stay strong—as long as nobody’s at the point that they’re willing to drop $2,000 on a cartoon caterpillar they can stick their dick into—we’ll be okay. Let’s hope this continues to be the case, and that we don’t have to hear about someone finally breaking, their rational mind overcome by the allure of a caterpillar Fleshlight’s googly come hither eyes, pouting rubbery mouth, or irresistibly wobbling set of “ticklers.” 

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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