Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Everyone is appalled by Wario's poor excuse for nipples

Screenshot: Mario And Sonic At The Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 (YouTube)

This week, the official Twitter account of Sega posted a 4-minute clip of the upcoming Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020. The video shows off some new gameplay from the upcoming Nintendo Switch title that actually looks pretty fun. There’s a mode to play the Olympic games from 1964, the last time Tokyo hosted the Olympics, that’s tinged in an 8-bit and 16-bit aesthetic. There’s fencing, soccer, swimming and the opportunity to be totally rad while skateboarding as Sonic the Hedgehog. But, all glorious features aside, the trailer also gives us, for some ungodly reason, a shirtless Wario. And Wario, evidently, barely has any nipples.


Here we see a shirtless Dr. Robotnik standing next to a shirtless Wario. Notice the Eggman’s shape and how true to scale his nipples appear. Good job, guys. Frankly, he looks like how every Sonic fan wants him to look shirtless, though we wouldn’t be surprised if got a little heated about this whole thing.

As for Wario’s body? Well...


The nipples are there, you just can’t really see them because they don’t protrude. Developers literally gave Wario opaque areolas. That’s pretty wild considering Mario’s sunshine-glistening nipples are canon now, as is the plumber’s pipe. It’s also pretty odd that Nintendo’s infamous biker boy has no hair on his body, aside from his mustache. He should realistically be giving Zangief a run for his hairy money.


Maybe Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games Paris 2024 will fix SEGA’s mistake and add some texture to the beloved anti-hero’s chest. Maybe we’ll see Luigi with a cute little happy trail climbing up his body. Maybe we’ll even see Waluigi’s ass. Only time will tell.

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Kevin Cortez

Kevin Cortez writes on the internet. He wrote this. Follow his dumb tweets @AOLNetScape.