All true fans of the Jim Henson’s 1986 movie Labyrinth know the real star of the movie. It’s not Jennifer Connelly’s Sarah. Nor is it David Bowie’s Goblin King, Jareth. A case could be made for Didymus, but no: The top-billed hero of the movie, in all of our hearts, is David Bowie’s tremendous codpiece. His fantastical bulge haunts the dreams of everyone who’s seen the movie, for good and ill. (Good: ”That is magnificent!” Ill: “What kind of world do I live in where that only exists in a fantasy film?”) The bullet point here is that it deserves acclaim.
Why is why we’re so glad to announce that it has a song of its very own. YouTuber and musical parodist Bonecage has released “Crotch Magic,” a tribute to the best wang display in ’80s cinema. Very much in the style of They Might Be Giants, his song enumerates the many issues surrounding Bowie’s penis. “Dick magic dick” kicks off the refrain, just so you know what kind of song you’re in for. We get lots of film references and Bowie shout-outs, so there’s something for everyone. And like the Thin White Duke himself, you won’t soon forget this melody—much like you’ll never forget that crotch magic itself.